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The one that never knows the proper spelling of the CEO’s last name, or for that matter, their complete title? The one that thinks she recognizes the phone number on her call display and then addresses me by my first name – only it’s someone else’s first name?

Why do you have that receptionist?

The one who doesn’t take my coat, or offer me coffee when I’m there to visit the President? Please explain why your receptionist doesn’t do these things any more – I don’t understand. Receptionist? Reception. Warm, inviting, friendly. Would knowledgeable be asking too much? Hostess, first impression, part of your brand. Marketing. You know, the stuff we are supposed to be the experts at.

Your receptionist. The same one who also never notices that the magazines look like they were arranged by a Jack Russell Terrier, or that they’re about six months out of date. But just the weeklies.The monthlies are worse.

Why do you have that receptionist? Are bad receptionists less expensive than good receptionists? Are they that busy? They never look busy to me. Certainly not too busy to straighten a few magazines.

Why do you have that receptionist? The one that dresses in a way that gives me no other option than to look straight down her top. Thank you for sharing. The one who doesn’t know what the agency’s biggest account is (while I’m attempting to make small talk before YOU arrive), the one that doesn’t want to tell me your address when I call but instead wants me to listen to a recording, the one who is far too busy to say the entire name of a company at a speed I can comprehend, and who takes far too long to answer the phone.

Seriously? Do phones even ring any more?

Why do you have that receptionist? Is she in the same union as the person who puts up the note in the kitchen saying that people who are billed out by the agency at $250/hour should put their own cup in the dishwasher?

Most importantly, why will you STILL be tolerating such a low standard of service and RECEPTION from your receptionist the next time I visit?

~ heidi